I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today

I'll make you feel so good for a hamburger Monday
I'LL SUCK YO DICK

Calm down, Wimpy

Actually the original is interesting, since today is Tuesday
PAY UP YOU HAMBUGER LOVIN' SON OF A BITCH

I'm always surprised to find that Wimpy was supposed to be some wise grifter and not a retard

Yup

J. Wellington Wimpy

Also known in some circles as the Hungry Man of Tiannanmen.

?

OH SHIT!
I forgot to masturbate yesterday

Forgot?

Yeah
My bad