I like referring to reality as Meatspace.

As opposed to Myspace?

As opposed to Cyberspace.

As opposed to Fuckspace.

As opposed to Neverfuckspace.

That is my space.
:-(

SEARCH WITH ME

I'm thinking I ought to rethink my hair
MAKE IT SEXY

I need a new look as well.

From now on I'm going to tape my ballsack between my legs.
Girls like the aerodynamic look.

...

JOE
I KNOW WHAT WOMEN WANT
AND IT'S A SLICK POST MODERN DICK AND MONEY
FACE THE FACTS

:-(

There is no God here.

Yay.

No god; lawlessness.

Burn, rape, then in reverse order.

Your love honey glistens in the moonlight

and slithers through the ground.

Welp, I just shit your pants.
Good luck getting your deposit back.

These were brand fucking new

GOD

I've got a plan. I become famous and cool,
get arrested for weed, sent to jail,
then fake my own shivving death, lay low for five years
and use the outcry over my untimely demise to end marijuana prohibition.

Hmmm

And you'll become one of my crows!
CAW!

caw.

LOUDER
LET GOD AND ALL HIS ASSEMBLED PEOPLE HEAR YOU

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MCCLANE!

GET ME CARL

I'LL HAVE YOUR ASS
Was Carl that black guy's name in the movie or did
I make that up with my Family Matters/Die Hard slashfic?

We just realized he is a cop in both and merged it.
His name in the movie is Al.

HOLLLLLYYYY!!!!!

I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast ocean of truth

lie undiscovered before me

Pick up those seashells.
Bend over.
Yeah.
Slower.

YOU CUNT
YOU FUCKING TEASE CUNT
YOU FILTHY CUNTING WHORE

Why are all these people putting shit in their urethras?
That is one thing I'll never do.

Oh?

It is just always a disaster.

It seems that way

I do not understand why that is supposed to feel good.

Nor do I

Just like butt stuff

Shh
Shh
As long as you're using proper equipment, you'll be fine.

No butt stuff!

Shh
Shh
Just lie back and relax.

:-(

no papa

....no....

I had you for one reason.

:-(

YOU KNEW WHAT THIS WAS
I will beat you about the neck and face

:-(

This is a young man's game
QUIT BEFORE YOU BREAK A HIP, OLD MAN

No way you street punk.

WHO AM I

I'm going to take out high interest loans in your name.

My credit is horrible.

Jokes on you.

Curses.
Foiled by your predilection for novel appliances.

Bread Maker.

Pasta Fazooler.

OKAY
SO YOU KNOW HOW RAPE IS LEGAL BETWEEN 2 AND 6?

Sorta.

Clarify it for me.

Between the hours of 2pm and 6pm you can pin down
a person and use them for sexual pleasure against their will.
With no legal repercussion.

Really?

Damnit, I missed happy hours.

Totally.
Well,
You also have to kill the girl.
But still.
A good deal.

Of course.

Oh no. Chick Corea is OT VIII?

Highest of the high

Somehow I feel like I already knew that
In dese ole bonez

Billy Sheehan is OT III

No one gives a shit.

Yeah, I don't give much of a shit about Billy Sheehan.

I don't think I have heard his playing either.

All the bassists in the world could give Xenu handjobs and I wouldn't care.
And in that action they would tear their precious hands to shreds.
Because Xenu's got a razor dick.

Just because I fingered a 7 year old's pussy does not make me a sexual predator

Did they like it?

Couldn't hear through the tape
BUT PROBABLY

Did you like it?

YES

Nah.

Run along.

You're not Joe
Who are you?

;)

I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES

I'm 93 and you're 16

Hush
Don't speak
Just feel

My hands smell like sin

Mine smell like motor oil.

Been lubing your chasis?

Which is my sin.
I killed her, Joe.
I wrapped my hands around that soft velvety neck.

People are meat.

Project Orion
Make it happen, America.

I'm at Disneyworld.

Figures.
Ride your Dumbo.

?

RIDE IT YOU SICK FUCK
Let your flanks glisten in the sun
Rub yourself with olive oil

Mmm

Use fragrant herbs and spices
Cut yourself and rub them in the open wounds so that the flavors can permeate

Hmm

That'll be so good for me

The Commander and I had a talk

Yes?

I'm going to need you to serve me omelets in only an apron

:(

SMILE
SHOW ME THAT MOUTH
SELL IT

:(

YOU ARE MY WORST HO

My biological clock is ticking
I need babby in me
GIVE ME BABBY!

Die alone

with your poison womb

I had a messed up dream last night.

I know.

I dreamt that Jim, you, and I were going to the movies
and for some reason some odd man was following us,
and he was removing his teeth one by one with a ballpoint pen.

Well, yes. That is pretty fucked up.
Were we paying full price?

I just remember the bloody toothless maw.

WERE WE PAYING FULL PRICE!?!

I don't think it got that far.

Thank god.

"And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer." - Hans Gruber